The Human Library
Unjudge someone
Dear Democracy Defenders,
Last Sunday, while watching a YouTube video, I stumbled upon a story that caught my attention. It wasn't about politics or the latest outrage. It was about something we seem to have lost in America - curiosity about one another.
I was truly moved by the concept of The Human Library as started by a group of volunteers in Copenhagen in 2000. This is a global movement where real people are “loaned” for 30-minute conversations. It’s a non-profit organization which aims to challenge stereotypes, promote diversity, and foster understanding across cultural, religious, and social differences through safe, structured dialogue. Here’s how it works:
The “Books”: Volunteers with unique lived experiences, who may have faced prejudice, stigma, or social exclusion, serve as open books. Popular titles include mental health conditions, refugee stories, and different occupations.
The Readers: Visitors can check out a human book and ask them candid, respectful questions.
The Librarians: Trained librarians facilitate the “readings” and ensure a safe, respectful environment for both the book and the reader.
Cost: It is a completely free experience, though donations are accepted.
Rules: There are only two - bring the book back on time and bring it back in the same condition as when you checked it out!
You can participate in virtual sessions or find digital events through The Human Library Organization. And, there are six right here in the U.S.
New York City, NY: The U.S. non-profit headquarters is based in NYC, which regularly hosts events and features an active network.
Fort Wayne, IN: The Allen County Public Library hosts a prominent local book depot.
Washington, D.C.: The Library of Congress frequently hosts large-scale Human Library events featuring diverse speakers.
Seattle, WA: Folio: The Seattle Athenaeum has a collection of local books and acts as a frequent venue.
Fort Collins, CO: The Fort Collins Museum of Discovery regularly partners with local groups to host these events.
Palo Alto, CA: Frequently utilized for community events and pop-ups in the Bay Area.
Washington, D.C. Area: The American University Library maintains a dedicated Human Library guide and program.
I think this conversation is a good follow up to last week’s post in terms of gathering together as an act of resistance. The library’s slogan is, “Undjudge someone.” No, it doesn’t mean we have to agree with or make excuses for them.
According to the founder of The Human Library Organization, Ronni Abergel, it means to consciously set aside your initial biases, stereotypes, or preconceived notions about a person and replace them with an open-minded, empathetic understanding of who they truly are. The goal is to foster understanding, empathy, and connection in a diverse society. He says, “There’s no judgement here as we’re all just trying to survive.”
We’ve all judged and cut ourselves off, knowingly or unknowingly, from a friendship, a co-worker, or even learning about something that we might not have previously understood. The journalist from YouTube video interviewed three people - a man who has experienced schizophrenia, an indigenous person from Greenland, now living in Denmark, and a Syrian immigrant. They all had something mind and heart-opening to say. I was inspired.
I will admit, I’ve cut myself off from a woman who was, for many years, my best friend, because of her extreme political and cultural views. I’m so angry at her and blame her, and people like her, for the negative turn our country has taken. I can see I have not respected her right to have a different point of view but, truthfully, cannot see my way through to doing so right now. It gets harder to even contemplate reconnecting with her as time goes on. I know it’s on me to take responsibility if I truly want to change things in this world. My friend and mentor, Debbie Ford, often said that our outer world is a reflection of our inner world. Oh boy.
How can I expect others to unjudge if I don’t?
Part of me still wants to hold tightly to my anger. Part of me believes that some actions are beyond understanding. And yet, if I truly believe democracy requires listening, then I have to wrestle with that contradiction inside myself.
If I were practicing what I preached while training hundreds of life coaches and workshop participants, I would ask myself, “What kind of person would do these things that I find so troubling?” Ah, there it is. The part of me that wants to label others as “evil.”
As Debbie often taught, if you spot it, you’ve got it. That doesn’t mean I would do the same egregious things I believe these people have done. It means I have the capacity for judgment, anger, self-righteousness, and even cruelty in my own way. Those are parts of myself I would much rather not acknowledge.
My shadow doesn’t look exactly like theirs, but it exists. When I look honestly, I can see how I’ve turned that harshness inward. I’ve beaten myself up for not doing more, not being more, not forgiving more, not loving more.
And yet, that same fierce part of me has also pushed me to serve, to speak up when others couldn’t, and to help when help was needed. Perhaps the lesson isn’t to deny that part of myself or condemn it. Perhaps it’s to understand it and put it to better use.
Maybe it’s finally time to stop beating myself up and extend a little of that compassion to myself.
Democracy isn’t saved only in courtrooms, legislatures, or elections alone. Maybe it is also saved one conversation at a time. Is there even one moment of curiosity we (I) can step into? Can we find one opportunity to “undjudge” someone?
This week, I have a challenge for all of us.
Seek out one person whose story you think you already know. It could be a neighbor or a family member. I’m sure we all know someone whose politics, faith, or generation of life experience differs from our own.
Instead of defending your position, ask a question. And then listen without the intention of changing their minds or to win an argument. That probably won’t happen anyway so listening or understanding might be the better goal. We all want to be heard.
Every person is a living book, and some of the most important chapters are the ones we never thought to read.
Democracy isn’t just something we vote for but something we practice every day in how we treat one another. Let’s start building our Human Library, one conversation at a time. I’m game.
Keep showing up, keep listening, and, at this crucial time in our country, keep defending democracy,
Donna
Dinner Conversation Topic:
If someone checked you out of a Human Library, what would the title of your book be? Additionally, if you could spend 30 minutes talking with someone whose life experience is very different from yours, who would it be and what would you ask?
Love this, Donna! So well spoken.
A friend of mine recently sent me a video of a young stray kitten and a mama cat. The kitten was inside a box that had been tilted on its side. The older cat came in to comfort him, but the tiny cat hissed and scratched so vehemently that she ran out. But she came back a few moments later and quietly arranged herself in the front of the box with her back to the frightened kitten. He hissed and struck out at her with all his might many times, but she just kept her steady countenance and ignored all his threatening behaviors. He really tried to scare her away!
After a while though, he ran out of steam and saw that she was not going away, so he just sat down next to her and relaxed, as if there was nothing else to do. 💕
I wonder if we’re called to be the momma cat in the face of all the fearful and threatening ones in this world. Not to allow them to hurt us, but to keep our countenance of love and point them back to love and safety in who and what we are being, to stand up for the preciousness of life in the face of cruelty and violence, like Martin Luther King and Gandhi, and not to be corrupted by the swirling fear and hatred.
In my experience of the divine, we are all innocent and precious, no matter how awful and deranged our behavior is, or how lost and separate we feel.
Seems like that’s the good news that can guide us back to being human and our true Selves.
Hi Donna! They did a piece on the Human Library on the CBS Sunday Morning program and I loved it! So happy to read your post and I am always touched when you mention Debbie. Her work still lives inside me. Sending you lots of love and hope.